So Who Takes Out the Trash?

According to Perkins and DeMeis, researchers have been nearly unanimous in their conclusion that gender equity has not occurred in the home, despite growing equity in the workplace. What has been less clear is the reason. Is an affinity for housework culturally learned behavior for women, or are women simply reverting to traditional sex roles when they become part of a couple?

To find an answer, Perkins and DeMeis asked graduates how many hours a week they typically devote to household activities, such as grocery shopping, child care, laundry, yard work, and car maintenance. They were also asked how many hours a week they usually devote to their jobs.

If socialization were the culprit, single men and single women would exhibit big differences in behavior. "We found virtually no difference," says Perkins.

What happens when men and women "couple up," either through living together or marriage? Again, no difference.

"The third possibility became, Well, what happens when they have children? " says Perkins. "That'swhere the real shift occurs. The real gender difference among our graduates was only when they have children."

"Parenthood is a very gendered role," says DeMeis, "Even more gendered than the role of spouse. The introduction of children is really considered a woman'sdomain. The new-wave man cooks and cleans and does other things, but isn t necessarily expected to take care of babies."

While women take on greater household responsibility, men sometimes relinquish some of theirs. Perhaps, Perkins says, due to concerns about making money and the responsibility of supporting a family. Mothers who are at home tend to do more at home simply because they are at home and have the time to do it. But mothers working full time outside the home also dramatically increase their household load, commonly known as the "second shift."

Sarah Helbig Webster 82: "I do things around the house I don t think a lot of moms do."

Sarah Helbig Webster lives in Madison, New Jersey. For 10 years after graduation, she had a lucrative career negotiating and administering contracts, first for General Electric, then for Bolt, Beranck & Newman. Then came son Peter, born on Webster s birthday five years ago.

Webster wanted to go back to work part time, working three days a week. Her company wanted her a minimum of four. She chose to stay home instead, and had another son, Sam, a year later.

Webster s husband, David, works in insurance management in New York City. Before they had kids, Webster says, they both worked a lot and the breakdown of household chores was a pretty even split. Now, she s responsible for the bulk of it.

"I do things around the house I don t think a lot of moms do," says Webster. "I mow the lawn, because I love it. We just renovated the house and I did the general contracting." As a former contract negotiator, Webster brings a particular expertise to bear in that role.

Her husband still works long hours, but she says that s typical for the Metropolitan New York area. "When he s home on weekends, he s 100-percent dedicated to the kids," says Webster. "He s really given up a lot to be a dad."

Maura Clarkin Rogin 85: "I really enjoy my work."

Maura Clarkin Rogin has one child, year-old Benjamin. Before Ben, Rogin worked full time at the Art Institute of Chicago. After a four-month maternity leave, she became museum director at the Winnetka (Illinois) Historical Society, where she works three days a week.

"I went back both for financial reasons and because it s something I like to do," says Rogin. "I really enjoy my work."

As a "working mom," Rogin says she s probably more easy-going about some things than a mother who was home all day. "Ben goes to day care and I know because of the exposure to other kids, he s more likely to get sick," says Rogin. "Whereas someone who s at home might not imagine exposing their kids to that sort of thing, I accept it as the reality of this part-time work. It s not that I care any less, I just accept it."

When she s not working, Rogin feels obligated to focus on her son. "While moms who are at home might say, You sit and read your book while I do the dishes, I tend to put the dishes aside until later on."

Rogin says she and her husband split their household responsibilities fairly evenly. Her husband, Daniel, a college counselor, says she does more, simply because she works less and is at home more than he is. But Rogin concedes she has learned to juggle more roles. "When my husband takes care of Ben, that s it. He s taking care of Ben," she says. "I ve learned to take care of Ben, plus be able to do laundry, empty the dishwasher, cook dinner . . ."

If parenting is the major life change these graduates experience, it affects no one more than the women who become mothers. And for women who were raised to believe they d be active participants in the work force, that's perhaps doubly so.

"The rise of the maternal rate in the workforce is one of the most dramatic changes culturally in the last ten years," says DeMeis, whose research interest is parenthood. "I was really interested in how women make choices about remaining at work or being at home."

"There is an element of choice in this," says DeMeis. "Although many people will say they have no choice, they have to work, you can take two women with the exact same family incomes and one will say I have to work because of the money, and the other will say I m staying home. "

The HWS cohort was interesting to study in this regard because of its general affluence, leading to a lower employment rate among women. "We have more mothers who are staying at home, and who can afford to stay at home without risking anything. These women can really weigh the pros and cons in a different sort of way."

DeMeis wanted to see whether those choices affected women's definition of what it means to be a mother. In the survey, sheand Perkins asked parents which of 13 activities they d performed in the last 48 hours, ranging from "monitored your child's diet," to "helped child find lost item." They were also asked if these behaviors were "typical" of mothers and "typical" of fathers.

Whether employed or at home, the range of activities for mothers was virtually identical. The interpretation of performing these roles, however, was not.

"Mothers who were employed tended to view some of these behaviors as less typical, " says DeMeis. "Our conclusion around this was that, when they go to work, mothers may view their behavior as somewhat extraordinary. By defining some motherhood activities as less typical, they re putting the bar down a little bit lower." So anything they do above that bar will make them feel like they re doing the job adequately.

Interestingly, the flip side of this finding is that stay-at-home mothers expect more of the average mother, raising the bar for themselves. "In comparison with employed mothers, these full-time at-home mothers believe that doing more parenting activities is typical of moms in general. That perception, of course, may reinforce their decision to stay at home," says Perkins.

Whether they are employed or at home, both sets of mothers have some sort of Supermom notion they are working with, says DeMeis. "It's just a question of whether all moms are Supermoms or whether they are a Supermom."

So where do fathers fit into all of this? While there is agreement between both men and women about what mothers do in the home, there is decidedly less consensus about the participation of fathers. Using the same list of 13 activities and whether they were typical of mothers and of fathers, Perkins and DeMeis are currently extrapolating data from the most recent survey to examine perceptions of fatherhood.

One thing is already clear: men tend to view the child-rearing behaviors as more "typical" of fathers than their wives do. "Fathers think fathers do a lot more in regard to parenting than mothers think they do," says Perkins.

Is that perception or reality? Perhaps both.

Perkins says the disparity may be a reflection of the greater heterogeneity of parenting among fathers. Some men do little parenting; others do a lot. But women have to do it no matter what. Parenting for fathers seems more of an option, thus the contradiction.

Or it might be that men and women are looking to a different standard. "If I m a man, it's probable I m more involved with child-rearing than my father was, because of generational shifts," says DeMeis. "So if many are doing any of these behaviors, it makes it feel to them that parenting behaviors are typical of men. Women may not be comparing what men do now to what men did a generation ago. They re more likely comparing what their husbands are doing to what they themselves do, so they re more likely to see these behaviors as less typical of fathers."

Employment status also plays a role. "If I m a mother, chances are my spouse is employed. My spouse's involvement in parenting is going to be somewhat constrained by obligations to employment," say DeMeis. "For fathers, there is more variability. Some have wives who are employed and some have wives who are not employed. But regardless of whether women work out of the home or not, they remain primary care-givers. While they cut back on the hours of housework and childcare, their level of responsibility for those things doesn t change.

"Motherhood remains a relatively stable role. For men, fatherhood is more in flux."

Martin 85 and Phyllis Blau Shields 85: "I do tremendously more than my father did as a parent."

Marty Shields teaches high school in Ringwood, New Jersey. His wife, Phyllis, teaches fourth grade.

Marty admits that before their year-old son, Noah, was born, his wife carried at least three-quarters of the household burden. But since Noah, it s more like 50-50.

"Well, 52-48," says Phyllis. "He definitely does a lot more."

"I do tremendously more than my father did as a parent, because my father did next to nothing," says Marty. "I think I do at least as much or more than the average man who has a working wife."

Phyllis believes women have an advantage in parenting because they have a lot more time with their babies when they are first born. The fathers have to go back to work, but the mothers at least have a maternity leave to spend getting to know their child and learning how to care for it. She had a 10-month maternity leave before returning to teaching. "At some point, parenting becomes a natural instinct," says Phyllis. "Men have to work harder to learn it. I know there were things I kind of had to point out to Marty, and he does them, but I don t know that they came to him as readily because he just didn t have the same time with the baby I did."